thoughts written by Patti Dienhoffer
Have you tried dating recently? It’s awful!! People we have entered into a whole new level of awful and the fault resides with US. All of us!! It is all of our fault, I’m not sure if it stems from the need for participation trophies or spending WAY too much time on social media but I know things didn’t get to be this way incidentally. It’s our fault for incessantly needing outside reassurance and admiration through likes. It is our fault for not taking responsibility for our own lives and even more importantly our own happiness. We have lost self-confidence, we have lost basic decency; Shit – we have lose the ability to communicate. And, we are effectively ruining each other because of it. I’m not sure when it all started but I do know that it will not end until we ALL as a global society decide that enough is enough.
Here me out… dating these days sucks, and it just keeps getting worse as we get older. Damaged people damaging other people trying to date in a completely toxic climate. Courtship had been dead for years, communication is nonexistent and everyone is out there just playing head-games looking for MR/MRS right now. We are all just one swipe away from MR/MRS next. If you aren’t giving me the attention I think I deserve, if I don’t think you are making/keeping me happy. If I think I “deserve” someone who has more money. Or even if I’m just sad today; swipe right and someone new will be right there to make me feel amazing again. Loyalty and commitment is dead.
It’s just awful to put it kindly.
But, this is NOT about fixing the current toxic dating world. For sure, I do have some ideas but after talking with a number of different people I have come to understand that most of y’all would rather live in this misery then do the hard work to (cringe) CHANGE it.
Recently I was talking about an up coming trip to Nashville with a good friend of mine. Off the cuff, I invited him to meet me in Nashville for the weekend. THAT’S WHEN IT HIT ME!! He would be absolutely perfect to be my VACATION BOYFRIEND!!
Forgive me if this is already a thing.
I have never heard of it so it’s a new thing to me. I have this friend, and he’s great, I have known him for 17ish years and we sure have had our ups and downs. In fact when we met we probably hated each other. Well ok hate is a strong word; but we definitely didn’t love each other. He has seen me at my best, at my worst, and back to my best. He was married, had the kids and the divorce; he has seen me through many boyfriends and boy “mistakes” (voicing his opinions all the way. Of course!). He has had his share of girl friends, always going for the wrong type. I refer to these women as “the plastics”. But you know the type, the “gym bunnies” fake hair, fake boobs, fake lips fake eyelashes… (Do not misunderstand, I am not passing judgments on women who get fake boobs, or eyelashes… they are not all shallow and lacking in self-confidence or rely on others for fulfillment. BUT a lot woman who do choose to “enhance” their appearances like this usually DO lack in the personal development areas). Needless to say we are both “unlucky” with regards to relationships.
Through it all, through the years, through the distance, the ups and downs we remain friends… Oh! Did I forget to mention. He doesn’t live here anymore? Years ago he moved roughly 1,114 miles away.
But this! This is a perfect idea!!
I live in New York; He lives… in a different time zone. I own my own business a house, and a dog. My friends are here, my family and most importantly my gym IS ALL HERE. A few years ago, he moved back home; which is NOT here. He has a great job, he’s around for his mom, his family and most importantly he is happy living back home. We both have tried to date other people time and time again with out interest, intellect or luck. He attracts needy woman from abusive relationships and of course he does (if you knew him you would get it). I attract “chameleon” men, men lacking confidence, men lacking masculinity, lacking drive but who pretend to be what they are not. They use me to learn how to better fake the personality traits they are lacking and then sure enough they cheat. They find insignificant, desperately dependent woman who want only what his money can provide for them. – BTW- I understand that providing for someone monetarily is sooo much easier then having to actually show up as an equal, or even harder. As a leader! I KNOW! If only my standards weren’t sooooo high and unrealistic!!
But I digress… (I’m not bitter. I’m exhausted!)
Obviously dating for the two of us has been a nightmare. Solution?
Stop!
Just. Stop. Dating…
Live your best life…
Be happy…
And then every three to four months meet up in a different city/state/country for vacation.
Come on!! This is perfect, this time we meet up in Nashville. Next time we meet up in New Orleans. We could see Maine in the fall, London for Christmas, who wouldn’t want to see Paris in the spring?!
Between trips, its business as usual, live your life: Gym, Tan, Laundry… (I just dated myself there didn’t I?)
I am officially calling a Time Out on the dating game and giving this vacation boyfriend idea a shot!